Ch-chachamambo!

let's go!

1. What is your name : Chow Chia Sin

2. A four Letter Word : Cats

3. A boy's Name : Calvin

4. A girl's Name : Cate

5. An occupation : Carpenter

6. A color : Copper brown

7. Something you'll wear : cargo pants

9. A food : choconana

10. Something found in the bathroom: comb

11. A place : Colley quay

12. A reason for being late : counting money

13. Something you'd shout : CONCERT!!

14. A movie title: Catch me if you can

15. Something you drink : Coca cola!

16. A musical group : Corrs

17. An animal : Cobra!

18. A street name : Cow car water street (Chinatown aka Niu che siu)

19. A type of car : Caravan

20. The title of a song : Carnival Night!!

Today was talking to Alfred abt the 20s, 60s,80s and 90s trends..
It nice to hear someone talk abt how they really dislike the trend of thier time.
I guess we all kinda prefer trends of the past, oh well..
Nonetheless, it was fun!

knowing that the person didn't want to do it, but he did it. - it hurts.
knowing that the person did it but he dont know why he did it - it hurts.
knowing that the person knows how you feel but he still did it - it hurts.
knowing that one day you will forget and he will forget - it hurts.
knowing that all that's been done is just senseless bullshit. - it hurts.


it still hurts, but less and less each day.
i'm going thru with it.
and i'm doing just fine.

Wait for me dear friends, i'll be back in no time!

 

love,
Go go guang Zhou Jia Xin- okadashomakbuki-nong bird-beef.

eat more beef.

i'm happy no matter what others think of me or how they see me.
i'm always just like that, you learn to know me and learn to like/dislike me.
but for now, i think i really have nothing to complain anymore

These days i stop seeing many friends..
i just cant smile and be happily enjoying my nights and overnights anymore..
i always get this sense of guilt within me, as if i'm not supposed to be outside.
i'm supposed to be either working or at home.

i feel super shitty when i see my parents' faces when i say i'm going out and coming back late.
Sometimes they give me a smile and let me go, thats when i really can smile.
but i think the guilt comes from my in built bad attitude- when i still try to press everything down and
ignoring things i'm not supposed to ignore.

i think i drift apart from many friends. and i say its my fault.
i seem to be as lifeless as the tabletop.
my head i preoccupied all the time trying to figure out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!

ok but i tell u what, i really slowly getting to know more and more..
i'm trying to come to terms abit more with myself..
my ultimate goal - stop thinking whats wrong and correct what i alr know that is wrong.

i have been a procrastinator for way too long, i need to really do this 'spring clean' and its gonna take a while.

Dear frens, forgive me for being cold.

dear 老虎CAT! there's alot i wanna say, i dont know how to say i dont know what to do.. i just feel like i have been selfish.
yahh i hope i can talk better in person.

had a long chat with Mak Mak..
it left me alittle shock but very much relieved.

shock at how i suddenly made sense out of wad scares me and how i sort of function, my beliefs etc
relieved cos many things slowly start to make more sense to me..

i cant quite understand wad a relationship is all about..
friendship, kinship, companionship are all very different.
but i know i have no faith at all in the third one.

its hard for me to have someone( who used to be a friend) come into my life like that
shower these care concern on me,
hang ard me, try to dig out every every inch of my thoughts..
slowly this turns into certain expectation towards this person..
and doubts comes about, insecurities surfaced.
one day woke up feeling shock how i can feel comfortable ard someone who used to be so distant.

all these feelings got me so lost.
lost at how i could feel this way.. i struggled to find an explanation
and came to realise, oops there isnt one..
its something very much like water, u shaped it and support it
theres no true definition..

still feeling alittle 'jetlagged'- like i can't catch up with time.
but i have My Almighty who is always right beside me..
Thank you u!

Feel like i've fallen into a confused state, leaving me lost ..
i totally gave up on wad i know i can hold on to and just let myself fall deeper and deeper.
i wonder why humans are like that- choose the path they know will not do them good.

i drifted from some old friends and all.. but i guess i didnt do anything to keep in touch cos
i just feel like a whole different person and finds it too tiring to try creating a connection with those whom really doesnt know or care abt me so much.
was feeling a little depressed then now much better..
still sorting things out in my head.. sometimes losing sleep and sometimes having nightmares.
i find it hard to explain this to anyone.
but yahh i tell them to people hoping to relieve myself from the stress slightly.
so far so good..

i would still say i'm fine..
so dont worry..
trying to hold my head high up although the heart is heavy..
pray for me if you would.. thankss dear friends.

I think i dont quite know what i got myself into.
But i sense doom day!

crap man.. i feel like the most unhealthy person ever,
like some illness is gonna creep up on me and
"BANG BANG, U'RE DEAD!"
 
sometimes dont u think u just admire someone so much that you wish
you'd admired yourself half as much?
i realise i have a self esteem problem here.
Whoever says they like me- must be lying.
Whoever says something good about me- must be up to no good.
this is too strange.
So you tell me, 'hey, then just work on it' (self esteem)...
but i dont like to work on things cos they r supposed to work out..
good or bad, on their own.
sounds like excuses but that's really what i think.

My emotions hop from one low to one high just at the blink of eye ( too fast), after a yawn.
scary, even i am scare of myself.
i can sense it, i'm going nuts very soon.
All my friends come bid your farewell.


rawrrrrrrrr




CAVEMAN! get back into the cave.





NOW!

i 'm really greedy pig.
i just wish i'm sitting/walking/strolling/swimming/running/jogging/singing/laughing in japan.